On My Own
by Atealia
Summary: Rei loves Kai, and Kai loves Rei... but Kai isn't alone in how he feels. Song-ficone shot


Okay, here's another song fic. It starts off different than my others have, but, oh well. I don't really like it too much either. But, I really liked the idea behind it, but I'm not real sure if I like the finished story, let me know what you think.

Just a few things to note:

_"Double quotes and italic indicates lyrics of song being sung by a character in the fic."_

_'Single quotes and italics indicate thoughts.'_

_Just italicized words separate from _regular font_ indicate song lyrics._

Actually, I think that's all I have to say.

Tala: No.

o.O???

Tala: ~sighs~ disclaimer?

You do it than.

Tala: What?!

Your idea, you do it.

Tala: What do you mean my idea? You _always have to do a disclaimer!_

And no one else has showed-up for this fic so you can do it.

Tala: What about…?

JUST DO IT!

Tala: ~grumbles~ fine. Sheownesnothing…

So they can understand you!

Tala: SHE OWNES NOTHING! NEITHER BEYBLADE NOR THE SONG!

Nicer.

Tala: ~gritting teeth~ On My Own is from Les Miserables. ~turning to face Atealia~ HAPPY?!

Yes :D

On My Own

A young woman with pink hair sat at a bar, staring at a glass of vodka in front of her. She'd never drank before, but she was so depressed, and everyone said you forgot your troubles when you drank. She had tried everything else: therapist, working so hard she didn't have time to think, secluding herself, surrounding herself with friends, nothing worked. So here she sat at a karaoke bar, staring down a glass of vodka. '_Irony is a cruel thing.' She thought._

Gathering herself, she swiped up the glass and downed it in one gulp. Than, standing up, she had to grasp the bar to keep from falling as her head reeled. Once the world had stabilized, she made her way over to the karaoke machine. Finding the song she wanted she punched the buttons to get the song she wanted to play.

She closed her eyes as she listened to the intro, not needing to look at the words, for she knew the song inside and out now. When the intro ended, she began to sing with the voice, her own voice filled with sadness.

_"And now I'm all alone again_

_Nowhere to turn, no one to go to_

_Without a home, without a friend_

_Without a face to say hello to_

_And now the night is near, now I can make_

_Believe he's here_

_Sometimes I walk alone at night when everybody else is sleeping_

_I think of him and then I'm happy with the company I'm keeping_

_The city goes to bed_

_And I can live inside my head…"_

As the song continued, tears began to stream down her cheeks.

At the songs end, she got up and went back to sit down at the bar.

_On my own,_

            Mariah orders more shots of vodka, trying to get her mind so muddled that she won't remember her pain.

_Pretending he's beside me._

            Four hours and four shots of vodka later, she was tipsy and officially drunk. She squinted her eyes at the seat next to her. "Rei, why did you leave? I thought you loved me." Looking sideways at her empty glass, she picked it up and examined it. "So, why did you run off with Kai, huh…..? Another shot bartender!" She called out suddenly.

_All alone_

            "I think you're had enough." The man replied.

            "I'll say when I've had enough!" she yelled back, a little too loudly and slamming her fist onto the bar.

            The bar tender motioned and two large guys came up behind her and each grabbed one of her arms.

            "Hey! Let go!" she squirmed, but she couldn't free herself, even if she hadn't been drunk she wouldn't have been able to free herself from their grasp. Roughly, they carried her out and tossed her onto the street.

            "And stay out, pinky!" One of them jeered at her.

_I walk with him till morning_

Picking herself up off the ground, the Chinese girl staggered and swayed for a minute before gaining her balance. Slowly she began to walk down the street. Shrouded in darkness the cool night air seems harsher and cuts through her. Murmuring, "I'm cold, Rei, hold me…" wrapping her arms around herself, "Thanks, that's much better…" and she closed her eyes, smiling.

Suddenly, she was jarred and fell to the ground.

"Watch where you're going!" A man yelled at her as she lay on the ground, confused.

After a minute, she used a nearby rail to pull herself to her feet, muttering, "Thanks, Rei…"

For the next hour or so she wandered through the near empty streets, talking to the person she thought she saw waling beside her.

Eventually, she finds herself in a park with a small pond in the center and a rail running around the full perimeter of the mass of water. Leaning heavily on the rail, Mariah sighs wearily. Looking towards the sky, it begins to lighten; marking the end of night was approaching. 

_Without him_

_I feel his arms around me._

As the rays from the rising sun peak above the trees, the young girl, alone in the park, wraps her arms around herself and her elbows leaning on the rail around the pond.

"Rei… it gets harder and harder to remember what it feels like to have you hug me each day…" Tears fill her eyes and as she blinks at the rising sun, they fall down her cheeks.

_And when I lose my way I close my eyes and he has found me._

The bright light from the morning star shines down upon the world, hiding all shadows and revealing all the landscape of the park.

"Where am I?" Glancing around she realizes she recognizes none of her surroundings. As she tries to think, her head begins to hurt.

"Stupid hang-over…" But the more she tries to ignore the pain, the more persistent it became.

Not three yards from her she notices a park bench. "Maybe if I just get some sleep…." And so the pink haired girl walked unsteadily over to the bench. Lying down she soon falls asleep; a happy smile creeps onto her face as she dreams of a certain raven-haired youth.

_In the rain,_

            Mariah is awakened by water hitting her face. More and more water hits her body. Blinking, a part of her brain registers that it's now pouring, but it still takes her a few minutes to get up. By this time she is soaked through and though and she sees no point in running for shelter. However, she's sick of just lying around, so she gets up and begins to wander again.

_The pavement shines like silver._

_All the lights,_

_Are misty in the river._

_In the darkness_

_The trees are full of starlight._

As she walks down a sidewalk, the street lights turn on, signifying night has come again. Mariah passes many shops and stores. When she actually pays attention to them, she realizes she's in the 'China' district of town.

_'At least I know where I am now…'_ She stops suddenly and heads off in a different direction. About three minutes later, she comes to a bridge that connects the 'old' part of town with the 'new' part. Sighing, she walks to the middle of the bridge. Mariah than leaned on the rail, arms crossed and head resting on her arms.

_And all I see is him and me forever and forever._

            While gazing over the river, she remembers other rainy nights…

            ~begin Flashback~

            A Chinese girl is leaning against the rail of the bridge and a Chinese boy runs, splashing up to her. "Mariah, what are you doing out in the rain?" He asked his voice filled with concern. "You'll catch phenomena or something if you stay out here!"

            ~end Flashback~

            ~begin Flashback~

            Grey clouds covered the sky as two figures run along side the river, trying to escape the coming rain. Just as they turned onto the bridge, however, the skies opened and rain poured down. 

            "I'm getting soaked!" a pink haired girl complained.

            "Keep running of we'll get wetter!" Her companion replied, grasping her hand, not noticing the sudden flush on her cheeks. When they reach the end of the bridge, she stops. "Mariah, what is it?"

            "Rei… look, isn't it beautiful…" And he stopped and looked, dropping her hand. For a minute, both just stared at the captivating landscape. Night had come and the street lamps shown, casting a mysterious light through the thick down pour. The river was a shimmer of shifting light as the street lamps' reflection was constantly distorted by the drops of rain upon its surface. As they continued to stare, the rain lightened greatly and some of the clouds parted to reveal twinkling stars.

            "It's…. breath-taking…." He replied sometime later.

            "Too bad it won't last forever…" She said wistfully.

            ~end Flashback~

            Sighing, she pushed away from the rail and walked off. Because of the rain, it was now impossible to distinguish her tears from the falling rain.

_And I know_

_It's only in my mind_

            Stopping in mid-stride, a sign caught her eye. Turning, she enters the reclusive building and takes a seat inside.

            "What can I get you?" A man asked.

"Shot of vodka."

Nodding, the man poured the glass and put it down in front of her down cast face.

"Guy troubles?"

"I'd rather forget…" than, picking-up the glass, she stares at it for a second, than downs it in one quick gulp, wincing at its foul taste on her tongue. "Another." She demanded, holding the glass out to the bartender. 

_That I'm talking to myself and not to him,_

            Three shots of vodka later, Mariah's head was killing her and her vision is blurry and her speech is slurred.

            "Re?... ma-ed-ertz…" she mumbled. Slowly, she closed her eyes as she leans sideways as if to lean on someone's shoulder. As a result, she fell to the floor. Blinking stupidly she mutters, "Rei?" glancing around her she found no trace of him.

            A large pair of hands grabbed her. Lifting her somewhat gently, they lead her to the door of the bar. "Run along now, you've had enough…" Not waiting for Mariah to respond, he released her and walked back into the bar.

_And although_

_I know that he is blind,_

            With nothing better to do, Mariah begins to wander the night streets. After a while, her foggy mind began to think.

            _'He's wrong… there's no way he can be in his right mind… after all, it's Kai_ we're talking about!'__

_            'No, it's not just that.'_ Another voice in the back of her head answered. _'You don't like it because it shows that you don't have a chance with him…'_

_Still I say_

_There's a way for us,_

_            'No, that can't be!'_

_            'Why not? Don't they seem happy together?'_

_            '…..'_

_            'Yes, and that bothers you…'_

_I love him,_

_            'But _I_ love Rei! Not Kai! I've known Rei since we were kids! And not only that, but Kai's heartless!'_

_            'Oh, really? Than how come he actually smiles when Rei's around….'_

_But when the night is over._

Light reflects off tears now streaming down her face. Looking up, she notices the sun's rays beginning to peak over the roof tops. But not just any roof tops.

            "I'm at the bridge again…"

_He is gone,_

            Walking on the bridge, she let's her hand trace along the railing as she walks to the center where she stops.

            _'He'll never stand with you here again.' The voice in the back of her mind sneered._

_The river's just a river._

_Without him_

_The world around me changes,_

_The trees are bare and ev'rywhere the streets are full of strangers._

            The water of the river rippled as drops began to fall into its calm surface. A passerby looked sympathetically at the girl with pink hair who was crying uncontrollably, but kept walking.

_I love him_

            'It's not fair! I've given Rei my heart. My soul! And he…'

            'Ignores you?' The evil voice finished.

_But ev'ryday I'm learning_

_All my life_

_I've only been pretending,_

_            'But come on,'_ the voice continued. _'He's gay; he never has nor ever will love you back the way you love him.'_

_            'No, it's not true; Kai's just confused him…'_ But even as she thought it, a sad reality hit her. _'The signs, there were so many….'_

_            'You've just ignored the facts because you couldn't accept reality.'_

_Without me_

_His world will go on turning,_

_            'He doesn't care… he never has…'_ gazing into the dark depths of the river, she thought, _'He wouldn't ever notice if I were gone…'_

_            'Or care for that matter.'_

_The world is full of happiness that I have never known._

_            'Now that we're on the subject,'_ her sub consciousness ridiculed. _'No one loves you, you're all alone. Just think, everyone else has someone… except you.'_

            And Mariah thought of all the couples she knew: Emily and Michael, Max and Tyson, Tala and Bryan, Rei and…. Kai… and the list went on.

_I love him,_

            _'I can't help it though… Rei's so sweet… he's always been there for me… his eyes, just, pull you in… How can I do anything but_ love him?'__

_I love him,_

_            'But why must I love him?! He'll never love me back! He'll never give me even one look, much less a second look! Oh! I hate myself! I wish I could hate Rei, bit I can't. I love him. He has my heart for eternity and I can't get it back, even though it sits in his trash…'_

_But only on my own._

_            'So, I'm alone… now and forever… I hate this, why must I be in love with him?! This pain is just unbearable!'_

_            'Than why bare it?' _Her evil conscience echoed. _'Over the rail and it's all over… You'll be alone no matter what, so why be alone _and_ be in pain?'_

            Mariah grasped the rail, hands shaking.

_            'He'll never love you, he won't care nor notice you being gone…'_

            Nodding, Mariah pulled herself up onto the rail and gazed into the welcoming depths of the river and its rocky bottom.

***

This fic is dedicated to all those (especially girls) who are alone with no one to call their own….


End file.
